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to be, or not to be, that is the question: whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrowsof outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing endthem: to die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream; ah, the ... you get the idea. the micromachine man, here,presenting a genuine original, colossally collectible, mostmidget miniature replicas

of the real things ... micromachines! a lot of people know meas the micromachine man, or the fedex guy, or "terrible" testeverde from saved by the bell, orjust that guy who talks fast. in fact, i was in the guinness book as the world's fastest talker, and so, for the last 40 years, if you needed a fast talker,i was your go-to guy.

is that okay, did youget everything you need? i mean, i can repeat it again if you want. you sure you don't want me to do it again? because i could do it again ... (stopwatch ticking) when i was 12 years old, i wanted to get into theguinness book of world records. so i figured the onlything i could really do, since i wasn't gonna eat acar or swallow a lead pipe,

was to lock myself in a roomand teach myself fast talking. and i did that with the hamlet soliloquy. to be or, or not to be,that is the question. (overlapping speech) years later, i'm at thisparty, fancy california, beverly hills party, and a friend of mine is trying to pick up this valley girl. he's from new york andtalking pretty quickly, and she looks at him and says,

"like, oh my gosh, are you, like, "the world's fastest talker?" and he says, "no, as a matterof fact, this person is." they called me over and i did one of my little party routines. (mumbles tongue twister) and a guy walked over, andhe says, "that's incredible! "i'm a producer, and i'mgonna put you on a show." i went on the show, andi did the fast-talking,

thinking that would be it, and all of a sudden thephone starts ringing. i'm booked all over the place, and i manage to make a living out of it! (lively percussion) i can speak as fast as 11 words a second. now, i never do 11 words a second for tv, but let me do peter piperat 11 words a second. you can kinda hear me going puh-puh-puh,

but that's really allyou're kinda getting. but when you do tv, there'svisual reinforcement; people see you and do whatever, so i do about seven toeight words a second. that would sound something like ... peter piper picked apeck of pickled peppers; a peck of pickled pepperdid peter piper pick; if peter piper picked apeck of pickled pepper, where's the peck of pickledpeppers peter piper picked?

now, on radio, i have todo it even a little slower, because you have no visual reinforcement; you're not seeing me. so then i do about fiveto six words a second, so it sounds something like ... and that's kinda the secretto my success, because ... if you can't understand what i'm saying, they're not gonna pay me the big bucks. (frenetic blips)

then, the very first commercial i did was the federal express commercial. okay, you, there's travel plans. i need to be in new yorkon monday, la on tuesday, new york on wednesday, la on thursday ... it is, to this day, the mostaward-winning commercial in the history of advertising. the final scene, i'msitting behind a desk, and i'm going, you know,"dave, what's the deal

"with the deal, are we dealing? "dave, it's a deal with don. "if it's a deal with doc. it's a deal, good, i'm putting you down. it's a deal with dick;dick, what's deal with ... so i did the thing like 29times without making a mistake. and the director said to me, "what, are you like a machine? "you never make a mistake?

i said, "you want a mistake? "i'll give you a mistake the next time." so i said, "dave, it's a dorkwith dick, don, and duck." and that's the take he endedup putting in the commercial. it's a deal with dave, dick, and dave. don, it's a dock withdick, dave, and duck. (tape rewinding) don it's a dock with dick, dave, and duck. the first time i saw it, i called him.

he said, "john, it's our little secret." although i'm known as theworld's fastest talker, i do not choose to live myentire life in the fast lane. sometimes i just like totake it all a little slower. but sometimes it's really,really, really good to be fast. (cheerful electronic music)

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